my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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