just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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