Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
