we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
