Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I am spending my child support on dildos
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
