I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
