i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sext me about skeletons
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
