Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
