How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
