you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
