Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
