okay pat passed out under dana's car
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
