I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
