Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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