Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
