My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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