i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
