Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Your penis caused this!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize