just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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