tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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