If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Boobs are out for the taking
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Terrible idea I love it
as a side note pls kill me
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
