I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
