Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
