She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
