I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
