I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
