I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
