someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's never too late to be topless.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
