One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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