so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
