I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
