she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Floor bacon is actually really good
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
