the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
