i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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