Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize