Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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