I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
