Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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