Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
