Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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