Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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