i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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