she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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