So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
