Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize