Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
