That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Drake has all the answers
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
