I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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