I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
