he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he fucked my hip out of place.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
