We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All the doctor said was why
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
