I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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