Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
