He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
