I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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