The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
