My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
