theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
