are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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