next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
