They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
