I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He shit in the fireplace
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
