get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
