i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
