I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
