I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
