Your dad touched me again.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
