No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
