Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
