and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize