If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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