If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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