This is not my ceiling
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
