You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Vodka?
Forever.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
