i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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