Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
