Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
