why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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