Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Rumble strips road head = magical
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
