They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
