if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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