do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
