He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
