I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
