No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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