I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I can tuck mytits in my pants
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
