I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
