is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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