we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
