ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
