So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
