I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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