Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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