I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Michael Bay diarrhea
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
