he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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