my mouth tastes like poor choices
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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